CD30

3 days late. Today I am 3 days late.

Started liiight brown spotting on Sunday (just when I wipe) and here we are on Tuesday and no AF and 3 negative HPT's. I am....well I'm pissed.

Just got news of another friend who is pregnant, wasn't trying, not even in a relationship. I know I'm a bitch for pointing that out but I just don't see how it's fair. She deserves her baby, she deserves all the happiness that her baby will bring, her baby has a purpose and that makes me so happy for her and the new life she created.

But it makes me furious for me. Absolutely angry. It has been 6 months (going on 7) since my miscarriage. I have yet to see a second pink line. Sometimes I feel hopeful, like maybe there was a purpose to the miscarriage and maybe 'our baby' isn't ready to meet us yet, or can't fulfill it's purpose yet.

Some days - like today - I want to meet god, and smack him for putting me through this pain.

My due date with little Blue was January 25th. I feel that this month will be hell. I wish AF would get her shit together and just show already so that I can get on to a new cycle with new hope, instead of being stuck in this waste of a cycle waiting game.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.